


Healing Where Your Hands Have Been

by ArchangelC137



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Forrest is a saint, M/M, Michael is a Soft Boy, Panic Attacks, Slight Maria bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24881950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArchangelC137/pseuds/ArchangelC137
Summary: Alex sees Michael arguing with a man he was playing pool with at the Pony, who just so happens to be wearing a tool belt with a hammer hanging on it, triggering a panic attack that only Michael can seem to calm him down from.The way he does it makes everyone see just how cosmic their relationship really is.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 18
Kudos: 199





	Healing Where Your Hands Have Been

**Author's Note:**

> Un'Beta'd so all mistakes are mine. If you would like to beta future stories or know where I can find a beta I would appreciate it. 
> 
> This idea has been floating in my head since the finale, and I figured why the hell not, so I wrote it.   
> Don't know if it's really any good but I like how it came out.

Alex walked into the Pony with Forrest for another open-mic night a few weeks after his performance. He and the blue-haired man had decided that they wouldn't work out as a couple and had become close friends instead. Which, for Alex, means that he gets dragged to open-mic night often enough to be a regular on the night.

"So, we going to hear you sing again any time soon, Alex?" Forrest asked, as he did every open-mic night. And like every open-mic night, Alex's answer was the same.

"No, Forrest. I told you, I haven't written anything new yet." It was an old argument with them by now. Forrest wanting to hear Alex sing again, and Alex not having anything new to sing.

Forrest had suggested he sing his first song again, but that idea had been shot down faster than he had been at the paintball game. There was only one person he would sing that song for again, and Alex didn't think he would be asking him to sing it anytime soon.

Alex took his customary seat at the bar, and Maria handed over his usual beer with a small smile. "Hey, Alex. I've missed you at the last few group meetings." She said as Alex sipped his beer.

"I've been busy on base," Alex said with a shrug. "Work had piled up while I was helping those three, and now I have to get through it." He explained as he watched Forrest set up.

"Another date?" Maria asked as she followed his gaze. Alex smiled but shook his head.

"No. We decided that we'd be friends instead." Alex said, looking back at Maria. "Figured I'd had enough relationships fail because I wasn't friends with them first. So we're being friends." Alex sipped his beer. "Besides, he said he didn't want to try taking my heart from someone it already belonged to."

Maria frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?" She asked, looking at Forrest with a frown. Alex laughed a little under his breath.

"You'd have to ask him, I suppose. He's been very cryptic." Alex rolled his eyes. "Not that I don't have my suspicions."

Maria grinned at him, and with a wink, she walked away to serve another customer. A very familiar customer with a black cowboy hat. "What can I get you tonight, Guerin?"

"Just the usual, probably won't be staying too long tonight, gotta sort some things out with Max and Iz." He said as he slid a note across the bar to Maria. "And one of whatever Iz usually has when she comes in, and a beer for Max too, please."

"He has manners. Do you see that, Alex. He can actually say please." Maria jabbed good-naturedly. 

Alex had heard that they had broken up shortly after the incident at Crash Con, and he wasn't above admitting that he was a little glad about it, but he was also happy to see that they were friends. Michael deserved more friends.

Michael turned to look at him, following Maria's gaze. "Hey. Didn't know you were here already." Alex shrugged.

"I came with Forrest. He has to set up for open-mic night." Michael's brow furrows.

"Ah, a date then?" Michael asked as he turned back to watching Maria fill a glass with wine for Isobel.

"Not that it's any of your business, Michael, but no it's not," Alex said, looking down at the bar. Michael made a noise somewhere between acceptance and curiosity.

"That so?" He said as he took the drinks from Maria, the glass of wine in one hand, and the beers between the fingers of his other. "Good to know that it still isn't any of my business then." He said before walking away.

Maria rolled her eyes. "He's so...." She made an aggravated noise.

"Stubborn? Pig-headed? Stupid?" Alex supplied.

Maria laughed. "They came to mind rather quickly."

"You forget, I've been dealing with him for almost 11 years. I know exactly what he's like." Alex said, a little bitterness seeping into his voice. Maria's eyes widened and she took a step back from the bar.  
"I guess I just thought that...." Alex looked up at her. "I don't know what I thought, to be honest." Alex shrugged.

"You never had the full story. He never told you." Alex said softly. "Though, you never asked either." He said a little more venom in his voice than he had meant there to be.

Maria nodded. "You're right, I didn't ask and I regret that. Not talking to you about Michael was a dick move. I just wanted something for me. I never meant to hurt you." She whispered. Alex waved his hand.

"I really don't want to talk about this right now, Maria." He said and finished off the remainder of his beer. Maria nodded.

"We will have to talk about it eventually though." She said.

"Why?" Alex pushed the bottle to the edge of the bar closest to Maria. "You didn't seem to think it mattered before, and it matters even less now that you aren't with him anymore. You have no right to my story now, Maria. You should have asked for it before." Alex stood and turned his back on her, walking over to Forrest.

"Hey, that didn't look too good." He said as he plugged the microphone in for the first person to use.

"No, it wasn't. But she brought this on herself." Alex shrugged. Forrest chuckled.

"Still angry then?" Alex shrugged.

"I wouldn't have been angry in the first place if she had just talked to me before she decided my feelings toward Michael didn't matter." He muttered as he helped Forrest set up. "Not to mention I was already in a bad mood after the way Michael acted." He admitted.

Forrest frowned. "What happened with Michael? I thought you said you were going to talk to him?" Alex sighed.

"I was going to. But then I got stuck on base for the last week finishing all the work I've missed out on, so I haven't really had the time." Alex sat on the edge of the stage once they'd finished setting everything up. "And then he asked if we were on a date, and that in and of itself wouldn't have bugged me, but the way he said it, all jealous....I don't know. It just rubbed me the wrong way."

"Maybe because it's a bit hypocritical of him to be jealous of you dating someone else when that's what he's been doing the past year?" Forrest suggested.

"When did you get so knowledgeable about my love life?" Alex asked with a hint of amusement.

"I've spent more than five minutes watching the two of you together. Honestly, I don't know how your friends miss the way you two look at each other, like you're the only two people in the universe." Forrest said, hitting the mark more than he could possibly know.

Alex laughed and shook his head. "I'll talk to him. I promise." He said as he stood up off the stage. "You better get everything started or you'll end up here all night." He said as he walked back over to the bar. Forrest gave him a mock salute as he went up on stage to introduce the first of the acts.

A few hours later, as Alex and Forrest sat at the bar watching all the acts and talking about their weeks, Alex noticed out of the corner of his eye that Michael was arguing with the person he had been playing pool with. 

This was nothing new, but the guy was wearing a work uniform and still had his tool belt on, equipped with a hammer and all. 

Alex tensed next to Forrest as he watched the man place his hand on the head of the hammer, his breathing coming in shallow pants.

"Alex? You okay, what's wrong?" Forrest asked, loud enough that Maria and Liz - who had come in and sat with them at the bar about halfway through the night - to hear and turn to look at him.

"Alex?" Liz leaned over to place a hand on Alex's forearm but he immediately flinched away, eyes never leaving the man with his hand on his hammer. Liz followed his line of sight and then stood, walking over to Michael.

"You're having a panic attack aren't you?" Forrest asked, and Alex barely managed to nod his head, his breath so shallow that he was almost hyperventilating. "Maria, is there a back room we can use? Until he calms down?" Maria nodded and walked around the bar, also trying to place her hand on Alex's arm.

"Don't touch me," Alex said, harsher than he had meant it to be. "Please." He added as almost an afterthought. "Please no one touch me." Barely a whisper of a plea.

Maria and Forrest both put their hands up so Alex could see that they weren't planning on touching him. He stood, hand on the bar to steady himself, legs and hands shaking, breathing still short and shallow.

Maria leads them to the storeroom behind the bar, Forrest leading Alex over to the small sitting area that Maria's employees used on their breaks. "Just breath with me, Alex. You need to breathe."

Alex gripped his knees, leaning forwards so his head was between his knees, but every time he closed his eyes, every time he blinked, he saw that hammer, Michael's hand, felt his fathers fingers wrapped around his throat.

Alex felt tears prick the back of his eyes, felt the hairs on the back of his neck and his arms stand up. He couldn't get his breathing to slow, even with all the techniques his therapist had taught him.

About a minute after they'd come into the back room, the door swung open and Liz and Michael came in, Michael frowning until he saw Alex leaning over his knees, struggling to breathe.

"Alex?! What the hell happened?" He sped over to Alex and knelt down in front of him, placing his hands over Alex's on his knees. "Hey, what happened?" Michael's voice was soft and calm, trying to transfer his calmness to Alex.

Alex turned his hands up so that he was gripping Michael's forearms. "He had a hammer, Michael." He whispered, his fingers digging into Michael's sleeves. "He had his hand on it, and all I could see was...." Alex's throat closed against his will.

"Hey, hey, no. That guy wouldn't have used it, he was just annoyed that he kept loosing at pool. I think that's just how he normally stands." Michael reached up and cupped Alex's cheek in the palm of his left hand. "You feel that?" Alex nodded slowly.

Alex heard the door open again and saw out of the corner of his eyes Kyle, Isobel, and Max come in from the bar. He hadn't even noticed that they were out there in the first place.

Alex's breath was still too shallow and he felt a tear slip down his cheek. He shook his head, trying to dislodge Michael's hand, succeeding but only so Michael could stand and sit next to Alex on the small couch. 

Michael pulled Alex close so he was leaning against his chest, ear just above his heart. And as Alex closed his eyes, listening to Michael's steady heartbeat, he also heard Michael start humming. 

At first, it was the song that was playing in the UFO Emporium during their first kiss, then it tapered off into a song Alex knew all too well. 

His song. Michael's song.

Alex listened to Michael start to sing the song lowly as he rested his head on top of Alex's.

Alex's breathing evened out, and his muscles relaxed as he listened to Michael sing his song, his brain supplying that he shouldn't know all the lyrics like this since he hadn't been in the Pony for the beginning or end of the song. Maybe he had found the lyric sheet? But how would he have found it? It had been tucked away in the guitar bag in the corner of Alex's living room.

Alex decided that that was a question for later and just leaned into Michael, humming along as Michael sang, a small smile spreading across his face.

"Feel better?" Michael asked as he ran a hand through Alex's hair and Alex nodded slightly, not wanting to dislodge Michael's hand this time.

Alex turned his head to see that everyone was filing back into the bar, his eyes catching Maria's as she stands at the door waiting for everyone else to leave. He sees understanding in her eyes, the realization that she had never really had a chance at building something real with Michael. That she had hurt Alex so much more than she had thought she had.

Alex closed his eyes again, listening to the steady beat of Michael's heartbeat, and the quiet humming reverberating through his chest as he continues to sing Alex's song. 

"How do you know the lyrics?" Alex asked, his grip on Michael easing slightly but not actually letting go. "You weren't there when I started singing, or when I finished. But you seem to know the whole song. How?" Michael chuckled.

"Greg gave me the guitar you tried to give me before. I found the sheet music with the lyrics inside the case. Not to mention Iz has put the recording up on all of the Pony's social media pages." Michael shrugged, his face taking on a pink hue. "I may have watched it a few times in the past few weeks." He admits with a shy smile.

Alex wasn't even aware that the Pony had a social media presence, let alone that he had been put on it, singing no less. His face scrunched up.

"She could have asked me before she did that." Alex pushed himself up so he could actually look Michael in the face. "Thank you." He said quietly. "For staying with me while I freaked out." Michael smiled.

"Anytime, Alex." He said with a shrug.

"So you've been listening to my song?" Alex asked once his breathing was completely back to normal and his heart rate had steadied.

"Yeah, well, like you said, I wasn't there for the beginning or the end. I wanted to listen to the whole song." Michael said sheepishly.

"You could have just asked me to sing it for you again you know," Alex told him.

"I was under the impression that asking your ex to sing you love songs while they're dating someone else was a bad idea," Michael said in his usual cocky way.

"That's true. But I'm not dating anyone, so that isn't an issue, to begin with." Alex said smugly. "You should stop assuming things. Everyone should stop assuming things." 

"Duly noted," Michael said as he stood up. "So...." He looked down at Alex with a shy smile on his lips. "Will you sing it for me?" Alex smiled and stood so they were chest to chest.

"Of course I will, Michael. It's your song after all." He said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Come on, let's go back to my place. I don't really feel up to an audience right now." He gestured to the back door, pulling out his phone to shoot a message to Forrest. 'I'm going home, thanks for all your help.'

He got a reply as Michael reached his SUV. 'Taking the cowboy with you? Bold Manes.' Alex chuckled and tucked his phone back into his pocket, pulling his keys out instead. 

"Come on, cowboy. Let's go home." Michael smiled at his choice of words.

"I like the sound of that, Private." He said with a smirk, knowing that the term drove Alex nuts with the inaccuracy.

"I swear to all the Gods in every religion, Michael, call me Private again and I'm taping your mouth shut." He said with a roll of his eyes, sliding into the driver's seat as Michael slipped into the passenger seat.

"I'd like to see you try, darlin'." Michael drawls.

"You forget who you're talking to, Guerin," Alex said teasingly as he starts the car. 

"So take me home and remind me." His voice was husky and deep. Alex stared at Michael for a few seconds before changing gears and turning in the direction of his house.

"As you wish, cowboy." He said with a grin, his heart beating faster for an entirely different, but not unwelcome reason.


End file.
